EP 274: The Only Three Things You Actually Need to Remember

Every behavior. Every parenting moment that feels impossible. It all comes back to three sentences — the three core tenets that distill how relational neuroscience makes sense of behavior and give us a roadmap toward change.

This episode lays out the three truths underneath everything I do — this podcast, my books, The Club, the Immersion Program — and why they matter more than any single strategy ever could. Caring for kids with big, baffling behaviors is so overwhelming and confusing. Having an anchor is non-negotiable.

In this episode you'll learn:

• The three sentences that hold up this entire framework and sum up what behavior really is
• Why Social Baseline Theory says your nervous system was never built to carry hard moments alone
• How these three truths can help in the middle of a meltdown — with your kid, with yourself, with anyone you love who's having a hard time

You don't have to hold onto these truths by yourself. That's what The Club is for!

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere
• Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass
• The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/threethings

We can't wait to review your application for the BBTI's Immersion Program for Professionals.

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The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!

AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. 

RobynGobbel.com/LIVE

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
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LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:15

So when your kids' behavior is baffling and yours is too, sometimes, yeah. I know. Let's take a break from all the man boozle. You're on the baffling behavior. Y'all, me, you, we, we store so much great information about just how to help struggling kids when they're having a huge watchdog or possum moment. And then, because watchdogs and possums invite our watchdog and possum to come on out, all that really great, super helpful information just flies right away with our owl brains, right? Yeah, my own kid is 20 now. So things are a little bit different just because he's a young adult. But I certainly know that moment standing in the kitchen, or in my case, it was maybe like the hallway in the middle of the night, watching a meltdown totally unfold. And, you know, maybe ducking or dodging. Who even knows what as that moment is unfolding? And y'all, even years ago when I was parenting a much younger kid, I was equipped with a lot of owl brain knowledge, even before I called it that. I had a decent amount of owl brain knowledge about parenting and about kids and about behavior and about neuroscience. Uh, I worked with melting down kids for a living. I had a graduate degree. I pretty deeply understood child development and in the neuroscience of behavior, even way back then when my kid was teeny tiny. And, you know, since I have literally written a book on it and can kind of riff on neuroscience. Well, I guess kind of specifically the neuroscience of behavior in my sleep. And even still in that moment, right, as I'm like facing this meltdown from my kid in my kitchen back in rural Texas, I could not remember one helpful thing. Not only could I not remember the quote unquote right thing to do, but so often I just straight up do a super unhelpful thing, like tell him to just calm down or raise my voice, or because I actually have a pretty strong possum pathway, I maybe just kind of stood there and stared. Welcome, welcome, welcome, y'all. Maybe this is a welcome back to another episode of the baffling behavior show. I'm your host, Robin Gobel, and this is a show where we make sense of and actually do something about your kids, our kids, all of our kids, really big baffling behaviors. And we try to make sense of, and sometimes we be maybe even do something about our own big baffling behaviors. With my guided journal coming out pretty soon, we're actually at like the two-month mark, y'all, before the guided journal for raising kids with big baffling behaviors comes out. I've been doing kind of some like deeper dives back into core foundational content. And, you know, it's really easy to just leave all of that really core, those core tenets, those foundations. It's really easy to leave that all like in the rearview mirror while diving into more complex and nuanced topics. But the basics are basics for a reason. My husband, he's the director of a youth performing arts nonprofit, and they do basics every single day. Without solid basics, things are so much more likely to just kind of collapse and fall apart the moment there is any stress. And the same thing was pretty true when I was doing uh aerial silks. Uh, I really actually loved focusing on the basics, and this might have been because I was an older student learning a new skill, but I really, really loved focusing on the basics. I was much more interested in that than, you know, mastering some new trick because I knew that with really solid core skills and strength, I'd be so much more successful at learning new skills and executing them, especially executing them in the times that are the hardest, like when I was tired or stressed, or a skill was brand new. That's exactly when we need to be able to rely on really, really strong basics. So the basics we're gonna nail down today aren't owls, washdogs, and possums. It's actually even more foundational than that. We are going to reconnect with these solid, basic foundations so that we can hold on to them longer when we are stressed. The more solid the foundation is, the more stress it can tolerate without kind of completely crumbling and falling apart. Because y'all know as well as I do that when we are stressed, when we're not at our best, when we're distracted, when we're, I don't know. We could list like one million reasons why we just simply aren't always at our peak performance. There's this huge gap between knowing and doing. And because those are two very, very, very different things, right? Knowing something and doing something are wildly different things. I think almost every parent listening to this podcast has stood exactly where I have been standing in my kitchen. Or, like I said, that's uh it was a common scene, like in the middle of the night, because y'all yikes, my owl brain was never anywhere to be found when I was woken up from dead sleep. And I'd have a melting child, and I'd be melting down, and my owl brain would fall away, and all of that really brilliant knowledge that my owl brain held onto so tightly, it was just gone. It was just gone. It's kind of just how brains work. There's a huge difference in knowing what to do and actually doing it. And also, there are a lot of ways to kind of close that gap. That's in many ways exactly what my work is all about. I mean, this podcast, my book, the immersion program, the club. It's all about growing our and our kids' owl brains, which is what closes then that gap between knowing and doing. Strong owl brains can close that gap. But today, what I want to do is just distill it all to these three things that might be easiest to hold on to in those hard moments, to have clarity around three specific things, really make them short and simple so that even your stressed-out brain can reach for these solid foundational tenets and might be able to help your owl brain stick along a little bit longer. Just three things. We can make posters and signs and hang them on our fridge, or make our phones lock screen, or we can record ourselves saying them and use that audio as the alarm that wakes us up in the morning. And yes, I've actually done all of those things before. Okay, so what are the three things we're gonna talk about today? All right, drum roll, please. Number one, behavior is just a clue. Number two, we all need connection to survive. And number three, regulated connected kids who feel safe behave well. Now, I'm not actually sure I've ever done an episode about these three things before. They essentially completely kick off my book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. And I know they're at the very, very beginning of the guided journal for raising kids with big baffling behaviors, and they're almost certainly at the beginning of really basically every single training I ever give. These three core tenants. Certainly, they're in focus on the nervous system to change behavior. That free webinar is over on my website. So I have these three core tenants everywhere, but I honestly don't know if I've ever done a podcast episode about them. So we're gonna walk through each one. And of course, that's not gonna necessarily help you hold on to any of them better, right? Just because we walk through each of them again. Although, actually, more repetition really truly is always good. I mean, the more we do something, the deeper that neural pathway gets, the more likely it is that that pathway could fire, even when we're really stressed. So, yeah, repetition is good. But then we can also talk about some practical ways you could use these three ideas to hang on to your owl brain, even just one beat longer, because one beat matters. It might not change everything, but it does really matter. And I'm a really big fan of counting the small things, right? One second longer, it really matters. Let's go for it. Okay, tenant number one behavior, it's just a clue. It's information. Behavior is simply what we see we can see on the outside that suggests so many different potential cues and clues about what might be happening on the inside. Y'all know this one, I know you do, that behavior is observable, it's what we can see. And again, it's giving us information about the inside, about what's happening in the nervous system underneath. But even when we know that that's true, it is also actually super easy for us to make a lot of meaning out of what we're observing, especially assumptions about why our kids are doing what they're doing. And if we're honest, this isn't just about our kids. We could apply this and almost everything we talk about on this podcast to all relationships. We make so many assumptions about why people are doing what they're doing, and they're often not very charitable assumptions. Behavior doesn't tell us if a kid is good or bad, it's not a character statement. And I know that that is a very counterculture thing to think about. We are so used to in our culture deciding if people are good or bad based on the behavior that they have. That is so ingrained in us that it never hardly even crosses our mind to consider well, how true is that? Certainly, behavior can tell us about how maybe harmful a person is to themselves or to someone else. But when I especially when I'm thinking about kids, I really, really, really want to get away from the idea that behavior is telling me something about their character. Mostly because I've just not, I've found it not super helpful to stay focused on that truth with kids that I end up working with, the kids who have these biggest, most baffling behaviors. Staying focused on the externalization of the behavior and what that means about that kid as a person is just never actually helps me solve the problem at all. So I try not to keep any energy there. And I stay focused on behavior. It is a clue. And that's it. That's all it is. It's a clue. Now, this is also not something I say a lot to parents of highly dysregulated kids, kids who are destructive, harmful, really dangerous, right? Because it's it's just pretty misattuned for me to go to a parent whose kid is really, really, really dangerous and say, well, behavior actually is just neutral. So if you're hearing this podcast and you have a really intense kid who has some pretty dangerous behaviors and it makes you really bristle to hear me say behavior actually is just neutral, know that I totally get that. And it makes a lot of sense that you, you know, would really kind of flare up in response to the idea that behavior is actually neutral. Now, the impact of behavior certainly is not. But the moment that there's a neuronal firing that ultimately ends up it being a behavior, that's neutral, right? And the behavior that be you know emerges before it actually impacts someone else. And again, we're talking like micro, micro, micro moments here, right? That moment, again, it's it's just neutral. It's the thing that the body does after neurons fire. Now, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, the impact of behavior is not neutral. I a thousand percent, a million percent, really totally get that. But the behavior itself, in the microest micro moment, before it has an impact, it's neutral. I very recently, like in the past couple days, sent handouts off to my local printer uh for a training that I'm hosting here in my town in the next couple days. And I so I've been really working on getting these handouts together. There's a part of the handouts that really relates to this conversation we're having. And the I want to just read you the direct quote All behavior is influenced by our autonomic state, even when that behavior is also a conscious choice. So even if I've made a very deliberate decision to do something, something good or bad, even if I use my owl brain to make that choice, it's still always been influenced by our autonomic state. And actually, most behaviors emerge from our autonomic state without any owl brain involvement. Our owl brains aren't involved in the very, very, very, very, very vast majority of behavior. Like our owl brains are involved in such a little amount of behavior, we're actually pretty uncomfortable with the statistics because we like to think we're in control of many more things than we actually are. Behavior is just what we can see that emerges from neurons firing and neurons fire with the autonomic state as the backdrop. Now, sometimes I meet people who believe that this statement, this truth, just kind of doesn't matter. They say, Well, who cares about what the behavior is? It's bad and it just needs to stop. Well, yes, of course. Behavior that's hurting other people, crossing other people's boundaries, all of that kind of stuff. Yes, we we need to find out a way to make it stop. I get it. And at the same time, I do remember being really startled when I first ran across this objection to understanding behavior, right? Like, who cares why? It just has to stop. And I just remember being kind of startled by that. Like, what do you mean? Who cares? I mean, understanding behavior certainly does not mean we're excusing it or ignoring it or not doing anything about it. And definitely that gets conflated. There is this sense, and I think I'm gonna do some more podcasting about that, that like understand understanding means excusing. And it absolutely doesn't. But if we understand where the behavior is coming from, and if we haven't had any success at changing it by addressing it after the neurons fire, which is what we're doing when we're using behavior intervention techniques, if we haven't had any success going about it that way, then we gotta address the before moment, right? Before the behavior as impact. We we've just got to address it sooner. We've got to go, well, what did people say? We gotta go further upstream. And that isn't because we're gonna start excusing the behavior. It's because we wanna understand where the behavior comes from, and we want to address that. Because again, we've already been addressing the behavior that's emerging and has impact, and we're not being successful at it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. Okay, so that was tenant number one. Behavior is just a clue. Tenet or truth number two, we all need connection to survive. Survive. Like connection for humans is life or death. And our brain is like super preoccupied with not dying. And I hold this core tenant that we all need connection to survive because the kids that I work with, and a lot of y'all who are listening, a lot of y'all's kids, reject connection with such intensity that you could easily be convinced that your kid does not want connection or relationship in absolutely any circumstance. And listen, I want you to know I believe you. I know that kid. They've been in my office. I've been that kid. You aren't imagining the intensity with which your child is rejecting connection. And of course, that statement might not apply to all of you listening, but if it does apply to you, hear me say I completely believe you. You are not imagining this. And when we are in close relationship with someone who is terrified of connection, it's really easy to believe that connection just doesn't matter to them. That there are some humans where connection does not matter to them. The moment we start to think about somebody not wanting connection, the moment we start to think somebody just straight up doesn't want connection, that as a human, they don't want that. That's the moment we fall down a very, very slippery slope of dehumanizing people. Because to be human is to be connected. To be human is to need connection. If we believe that someone doesn't need connection, we've just stripped away some of their humanity, and nothing good has ever come from that. Certainly, nobody has ever healed from trauma while also being dehumanized. So it is so crucial to me in my work with kids who reject connection as if connection might kill them, to remember to be very intentional and deliberate about remembering connection's a biological imperative. Y'all, I also know that the pain of being continuously rejected is unbearable. And so if you're parenting a kid whose nervous system has been led to believe that connection is dangerous and therefore all of your attempts at connection get rejected with such intensity, I get that that level of rejection is unbearable. So I want to bring in just a little bit of science here. I mean, like, of course I do, because that's me. But I actually am not sure I've ever brought this particular piece of science into the podcast. There is a body of research called social baseline theory. Okay. It's Baxton Cohen's work. And let me just give you a super short, simplified version of it. Our nervous systems did not evolve to handle threat alone. They evolved assuming, like it's built right into the like fabric of our nervous systems that the work of managing danger, managing stress, saying safe, the work of all of that would be shared, carried by more than one nervous system at a time. Connection is the baseline. That's social baseline theory. That makes it the like default setting we're all just kind of walking around with. Connection isn't this like great bonus feature. It's not this emotional, like nice to have layered on top of the real survival stuff. Connection is the survival stuff. It is the expectation, it is the baseline. We use fewer resources to manage stress. We use fewer resources responding to stress. When we have the felt experience of not facing that stress alone, isn't that wild? Like it really can be just a felt experience. It doesn't have to be that somebody's actually there helping us with something, it can be the felt experience of not being alone. And y'all, that's why the club works. I mean, that's essentially basically why I created the club with that specific intentionality. And that's why I created the immersion program the way that I do, because it's really hard to hold the dysregulation of dysregulated families, parents, and kids. And professionals. Really need the same experience that parents do. They need the experience of how hard things are less hard when we do them with other people. And if we spend enough time with them, those people become internalized. They kind of become embedded into our own nervous systems and they're with us all the time. And so we carry that felt sense of not being alone with us while we're doing something really, really, really hard. Now, would it be awesome to actually address the reasons that these hard things are so hard? Of course it would. We want to do these things in tandem. We want to address the systemic failures. We want to address what is contributing to the suffering of our children and them not getting their needs met and the services that they need. We absolutely want to address all of those things, but we cannot address all those things in the next second. And in the next second, parenting your kid will continue to be very hard. And so there's got to be a way we can kind of do both, right? Address the real things that really need tending to and also find ways to do hard things without being alone. And it is kind of shocking how, like a podcast, I mean, me and you maybe have never even met before. A podcast, my book, an online community, it's kind of shocking how these things can help. But I also suspect that despite it might be despite the fact that it might be kind of shocking, it's also not shocking to you because you know it's true. Right? You know that this podcast helps, or you know, other resources where you get the felt sense of I'm not alone, you know that it helps. That's why you keep doing these things and pressing play on podcasts and reading books and joining communities, even when that community can't actually solve the real problem, which is yeah, it isn't actually like getting parenting advice, right? I mean, it's helpful, but that doesn't solve the real problem either. The real problem is like what's happening in our world and in our communities and in our mental health systems that is leaving us so overburdened with this responsibility to care for kids without the resources that we need to care for them. That's the real problem, right? So this podcast and listening to this podcast and being in the club, that's addressing a slightly different problem, which is I have to manage this stress. Right. And when we're not alone, we manage stress so much better. We use fewer resources. The stressors make less of an impact on our systems when we are facing that stress, not alone. Imagine you're a nervous system that's expecting help carrying a load, and that help doesn't come or it's not reliable or it's scary. So what happens then? Well, then disconnection isn't just something that feels like it's missing, right? Disconnection is something that our bodies read as danger, active danger, because the whole system was built on assuming that you wouldn't be doing this hard thing alone, and now you are.

unknown 29:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

This is a really crucial thing that I think is really important that we just kind of pause and like really notice and be with for a second. Okay, this truth that when your kid is pushing away connection, the alarm in their body, the danger, danger signal, it's already going off. Disconnection itself is a threat. Yet, for so many of you listening, connection is also a threat. And it might actually that might actually feel true to your and you and your body, or you know that it's true because of how true it is in your child's body, right? Connection is a threat while also being a biological imperative. So just kind of imagine this for a second, okay? Let's just say there's two ways of being in the world there's being connected and there's being disconnected. And for our kids, and maybe for some of you listening, both of those ways of being in the world feel threatening, connected and disconnected. But only one of those ways is inherently threatening, and that's disconnection. In a nervous system where connection feels threatening, that was learned somehow. And we've talked before about who we cannot change what has happened, but we can change what was learned. So when I'm with a kid or some human who is behaving in a way that's pushing connection away, look at me with looking at me with disgust, refusing to cooperate, telling me that I smell bad, mocking me, or maybe even like literally pushing, right? All of those things have happened to me, probably all or maybe just most of those things have happened to you, right? But you get it, yeah. So if I can be with that kid while also staying connected to my owl brain, even the teeniest, tiniest bit that I try to stay in a place of curiosity and ask, huh? Well, what's up with this? Right. That question alone doesn't really change the behavior, but it absolutely 100% keeps my own x-ray vision goggles on for maybe even just one extra second. And that's good for me. And yeah, that's good for my kid. Okay, the third tenant. Regulated connected kids who feel safe and know what to do behave well. They really actually do. And kids are never gonna be perfect because, well, number one, what does that even mean? But yeah, just like regular kids. Regulated connected kids who feel safe are just like regular kids. Now, we need to pause for just a second. And I want to interject a few caveats before your brain does a thing that I know it's gonna do. Stressed out people, like most of you listening, really like lists and checklists and clarity and order and flow charts. So I say something like regulated connected kids who feel safe and know what to do are doing well, and really stressed out parents, think about like a little checklist, right? It's like regulated, check, connected, check, safe, check. Okay, great. Now my kids should behave. Please, please, please don't do that to yourself. That's not gonna help you feel any better. It will just help you feel worse, actually. Okay, that's not what I'm talking about here. It's not a checklist. And believing that there might be a checklist will just continue to set you up for so much disappointment. This isn't a formula that you can run. It's not three boxes you tick off before behavior is going to just improve. What it is, is an invitation for curiosity, a lens to look through. When a kid is struggling, the truth isn't asking you to audit three conditions and then produce some compliance, right? It's inviting you to get curious. Regulation, connection, safety. Which one might be missing right now? And it's usually some combination of all three, but it really can help to create some kind of clarity and organization when there is so much chaos happening. Even if that clarity isn't translating to a checklist, it can help you troubleshoot what would be the most useful thing to do next. You know, what would help my kid feel more invited into safety, connection, and regulation. Now, if you're listening and you're in the club, we're gonna be talking about this specifically for a while coming up here in the club. But y'all remember there's that growing your child's owl brain with CUSAFelt safety workbook in the uh resource library. And even though it's got a lot of bullet points and a lot of lists in it, right? They're invitations, they're possibilities. And if you're looking for ways to try to help your kid potentially experience more regulation, connection, or fault safety, y'all. If you're over in the club, go check out that resource, Growing Our Child's Owl Brain with Cues of Safety in the Resource Library. So yeah, it's not a checklist, but it can help you with troubleshooting. In fact, again, if you're in the club, we have that troubleshooting worksheet. And that's essentially what the troubleshooting worksheet is going through regulation, connection, and felt safety. It's a way to pause and get some clarity and ask some important, thoughtful questions, not a checklist. Unfortunately, I wish, I wish. Okay, so I want to tell you I think these three sentences matter more than almost anything else I teach. And it's not certainly because they're new information, because if you've listened to this episode for any length of time, it what I just said wasn't really new information, certainly didn't really surprise you that much. Here's what I want you to actually take away from this episode. These three truths aren't just information to file away in the like things Robin taught me folder. And I have a folder like that for my mentors, you know, like the things I learned from this person that changed my life. Right? That's good. I like that I have a folder of that, but that's not ultimately what has been helpful for me. Why those things that have been helpful for me and why these truths can be helpful for you is because they act like anchors. An anchor's whole job is to do what it does when the water gets rough, right? It's not what it's doing when the water is calm, right? Anchors are needed to hold things steady when things are rough. And that is not a bad metaphor that I just came up with. Okay. When things are calm, we don't need to try hard to keep our steadiness, usually, right? It's when things are rocky, where we need all the help we can get to support our own steadiness, to support not being swept away. So these three things are anchors, okay? Use them as these real life standing in your kitchen or hallway in the middle of the night. Anchors. When you have an anchor, you can come back to the idea that, oh, yeah, that's right. Behavior is just a clue. This is just information. This is not a verdict about my child or my parenting. It's information. And that thought can keep me in connection mode, maybe for just one more beat. Right? You can come back to that connection is a biological imperative. People need connection to survive. So what the heck is going on here? Right? Something is not right. And also something that really helps me land in connection mode is when I remember how tragic it is to have a core aspect of being human, which is to experience safety and connection, to have that stripped away from you. It's just devastatingly tragic. And something when I something that when I think of this, right, when I think that this person who is frankly acting very bad, right, when I pause and I think just about the tragedy of this core aspect of being human that's been stripped away from them, sadness and compassion and grief just kind of washes over me. And while sadness and compassion and grief don't necessarily feel great, if I can be sad and compassionate and experience grief in connection mode. Okay, and then also you can come back to use as your anchor that regulated connected kids, people who feel safe, they're doing well. So does my kid need support with regulation or connection or felt safety? And of course, of course, of course, we cannot forget to apply all these curiosities to ourselves. Sticking with these curiosities helps us hold on to our owl brain, even if it's just by like one little talon. The asking itself pulls us back towards integration, back towards connection with yourself, back towards curiosity. Every single truth when you return to it is an invitation back to the owl brain. It literally helps keep our cortical brain in connection with the lower and more reactive parts of our brains. Also, just to be clear, I am very intentionally using the word invitation. Okay, it's not a command, it's not a yank, it's an invitation. Each one of these truths is an open door back to integration, back to connection, back to curiosity. And you can walk through it as many times a day as you need to, but you cannot yank your owl brain or anybody else's back to safety. So, in this moment, as we're getting closer to kind of wrapping up this episode, just let your mind go back to the moment you totally flipped your lid. Any moment. You know, probably don't have to go too far back in your memory networks for that. I certainly don't. Okay. A memory where your like watchdog brain took totally over. And afterwards you thought, ugh, why did I do that? I know better than that. Okay, go back to that version of you. Say something like, Oh, there's so much goodness stored in your owl brain. And your owl brain does know that responding to protection mode with your own protection mode is unlikely to be helpful. In those moments where you go watch dog or possum, your owl has just totally flown away. And that makes so much sense. We can strengthen our owl brains just like we can strengthen our kids' owl brains. And leaning into these anchors, these truths, and applying them to ourselves is exactly the steps that we need to take. Because regulated, connected parents who feel safe parent the way that they want to. Pinky pinky promise. Y'all, you can say all those things that I just said to you. You can say them to yourself, or you can just keep listening to this episode and have me say it to you over and over and over again. That's the wonder of a podcast. Y'all, you are going to drift away from these core truths constantly, probably today, possibly even in the next hour. And you know what? I am going to do that too. Okay. It's not bad or wrong to drift away. Drifting and finding your way back to these truths, that is the practice. There is no version of this where you just stand permanently anchored in all of these three truths and you never ever ever lose your footing again. That's not real life. The finding your way back part, that's everything. That's the point. These three truths, y'all are literally in the first few opening pages of the guided journal for raising kids with big baffling behaviors. It's the foundation the entire journal sits on, right? It's the foundation raising kids with big baffling behaviors sits on. It's the foundation that the club sits on, and of course, the immersion program. There are so many opportunities for you to get what you need to stay connected to these three truths: the book, the podcast, the club, the immersion program. Hey, some of you need the book or the podcast. Some of you need a community because, well, like we talked about, hard things are a little less hard when we do them with other people, including the very hard work of growing owlbrains. Some of you will want to jump all in because you don't want to just help the kids in your family. You want to help the kids in other people's families too. And that means that you maybe want to come and join the immersion program. There are a lot of options for what you can do next. If this is your very, very, very first episode, you're not sure where to start, you can go to Robingobel.com slash start here. Okay. You can also go to Robin Gobel.com slash where do I start for like downloadable roadmaps. They're literally PDFs you can download. It tells you what what to do, where to go, what to listen to, what resource to get. And um you could go in the order that it suggests, and that would be really helpful. So Robingoeble.com slash where do I start? Of course, y'all, all these links will get down in the show notes. Okay. And then if you need to want to go further than what's available on the podcast or in the book or the resources and my free resource hub, then come and join us over in the club. It's super easy to come join us in the club, and you don't have to stay any longer than you want to. But while you're there in the club, then all the resources are right there at your fingertips. It is so much easier to hold on to something true when you're not holding it alone. That's kind of the whole point of tenant number two, right? So if you're looking for people who are steady in these truths, but who also completely understand why all of us, including ourselves, sometimes waver from those truths. That is exactly what the club is. It's not a place where all the parents there and all of the helpers, like me and my team, it's not a place where we all figured out, but it's a place where the truths can stay steady even when we can't. Because the people there inside the club, they are holding onto these core truths too. And of course, if you're a professional and you're listening to this podcast, the same exact idea applies to you as well. That's actually what the immersion program is. It's that kind of same anchored but understanding community. Immersion program is not just this like on-demand course that you take. We are in intense active community for a year. And then we move on into the alumni community, which is still community, it just looks differently. Okay. So there's a lot of options for where to go next. Regulated connected kids who feel safe are doing well. And it's not a checklist, it's just a place to stand. Behavior's a clue. Connection is not optional. Let's just keep coming back to these three y'all over and over and over and over again. That's the practice. That's the practice. We're just gonna keep coming back to these three. Okay. I think that was enough for today. That was kind of a lot. Y'all are gonna laugh at me when I, at the very beginning of this recording, this episode, I almost said something like, This might be a shorter episode than usual. And I didn't say that because I I knew that that wouldn't, you know, ultimately not be true. Because I just can't. I just can't have fewer words. I just can't. So here we are, another long episode. And that's okay, y'all, because this is a practice. We need to be in it a lot. So I hope you hit subscribe to the podcast. And I will be with you again here next week on another episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. Bye, y'all.